Hi:
I understand things are going very well for you at FSU. It is because you are a very smart and confident young woman. This is a wonderful time in your life and I am very excited for you.
I've heard that you are wrestling with whether to pursue a Ph.D. Perhaps you have already decided, but in case you haven't I want to share briefly my experience on pursuing a Ph.D. O.k., I'm sure you are thinking what could a 45 year old due that you just met a few years ago possible share that has any value? I know I would be if I were in your shoes. But, I wholly believe that it "Takes a Village," so here it goes.
Andria and I were high school sweethearts who miraculously waited until we graduated from college to get married. When she graduated I had just started on my MS at MSU. I had a well funded Assistantship which pretty much covered my end of our shared financial obligations and Andria worked full-time. As I came closer to finishing my program I started working close to full-time at MSU and Andria started law school at Wayne State. We lived in Farmington Hills and she commuted to Detroit and I to East Lansing.
I graduated and moved into a full time position in Rochester Hills at a not for profit organization (means low pay but meaningful work) and Andria continued at WSU. A couple years into my position I started a PhD program at MSU. Andria graduated and took a position in Port Huron. For a while she commuted to Port Huron and I to East Lansing in the evenings for classes. Eventually we moved to PH and I commuted to Rochester Hills then to EL and back to PH. I really wanted the Ph.D. I saw myself sometime in the future as a professor who did part time consulting. I knew some professors who did that and it seemed like a pretty good gig.
Eventually I moved from my not-for-profit job to the private sector. The money got better. Here is an important point - as the money got better so did our lifestyle - from Ramen to actual cuts of meat as well as futons to to solid furniture and ten year old cars to new cars.
So, I'm into my new position, enjoying developing the work I was doing, making new clients, doing things with the Partners and along comes a three-year full ride Water Science Fellowship. The Fellowship is designed to pay for my classes, give a decent stipend (in graduate school terms) and significant opportunity for professional growth. It was a sweet deal. You see I was still commuting to EL now from PH to Bloomfield Hills to EL and back to PH. This Fellowship is like a gift from the heavens, right?
The problem is that there is no way we could take such a big cut in our combined household income to live on that stipend, even with Andria working full-time. So I passed on the Fellowship.
I still was not daunted in continuing to pursue my Ph.D. It just took a tremendous about of time and discipline and wear and tear on our cars.
During this time Andria experienced a number of miscarriages and we also experienced issues with fertility. As we sought fertility treatments, I realized it wasn't fair for Andria to have to administer her shots by herself and to not have me by her side as we worked through this very emotionally difficult time in our lives, so I walked my last walk at MSU and decided I would stop pursing the Ph.D.
A year or two later I was able to continue to pursue my program until we started having difficulties with the adoption process. And again, I took what I thought were my last steps along the Red Cedar River so that I could be where I was needed most.
A few years later I take a new job in Lansing and we buy our house which is blocks away from the University. I again restart my program. In fact, this becomes the third time I take the same Ag Economics Course with the same professor. I proudly tell him, this time I'm going to finish his course. And darn if a month in, my feet swell and it turns out I'm losing the use of kidneys. I don't complete his course and instead go on dialysis.
That was ten years ago. Last year I found out that I timed out of the system and would have to take most of the course work again not to mention that I would have to re-apply to the program that I spent ten years in. I had nearly finished my course work and was starting my dissertation research.
My dreams have changed and I have lost the desire to pursue the Ph.D. I spend a significant amount of time with Antonia and Jacob and of course Andria and I can't conceive of having to be away from them right now to sit in a classroom or be holed up in a library.
One of my regrets is how much time away from Andria I spent over the many years I pursued my Ph.D. She was always supportive of my pursuit but it just wasn't fair to be away from my love for so long. In retrospect, had I taken the Fellowship, the program would have been done in three-years and I wouldn't have missed all that time with Andria. We would have just had to eat Ramen more frequently and make a few other economic adjustments.
While this might sound like a sad story it isn't. Life is a crazy ride. Thankfully each of us are very resilient. If not, we'd be a miserable lot. Instead, we have the ability to rebound from the many difficult hurdles that come our way. I have learned to become an incredible Rebounder. I think Izzo could use someone like me right now.
You are such an incredible young lady that I know that whatever decision you make will be right for you.
I am lucky to know you.
Take care, Erich
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