O.k., ever since my chest started sagging past the tip of my sternum I thought perhaps I was getting a little out of shape. When my son, Jacob said, "perhaps Dad you should consider a man-bra," I refrained from giving him the evil-eye and instead politely responded, "it is just relaxed muscle, see," and proceeded to flex. "Sure Dad, but it stills seems a bit jiggly," Jacob said as he dashed out of the room before I could teach him how to respect his elders.
The truth of the matter is I'm not in the kind of shape that I once was. Of course that was twenty-six years ago. I have only been on dialysis for nine years. The difference is that before I was on dialysis I at least knew I could get in shape at anytime, if I wanted to. Now, getting in shape seems to be a very difficult task. To help assess my condition yesterday I consulted our friendly Wii Fit trainer.
The Wii Fit is just a video game and it doesn't have an emotional stake in the game's outcome, however, after the game says, "step on," and I do, it seems to me that the game is genuinely surprised and a bit concerned when it lets out an, "ooh!" Once I've stepped on the balance board, it takes an inordinate amount of time to calculate my weight. I stand there and the game just repeats, "measuring, measuring, measuring," all the while I'm hoping the word, "tilt," doesn't appear on my television. When it is done calculating it shows this:
I'm not sure why the game shows my Wii Me smiling, 214 pounds seems rather heavy for 5'9", even if I do pride myself on having an athletically robust frame. The one thing about dialysis is that body weight is measured in kilograms, so if your used to the English system like most of us are, then 97 kilograms sounds pretty good. It can be quite a surprise if you have been spending your time in the metric world and you suddenly have to weigh yourself in the English world, like yesterday.
After coming to grips with my obesity, like that will ever happen, I undertook the Wii age balance testing. To which my emotionally neutral game wryly cracked the quip below.
Perhaps it was just a question, since clearly I can't balance on the game's balance board, but I have no trouble walking, thank you very much. Though interestingly I do have a problem climbing stairs. I'm not tripping over myself rather I just find they take a lot of effort. I know, you are probably saying, "well of course it is hard to get up stairs, your obese."
There it is, at the beginning of my Paddling on Dialysis for Kidney Health project my electronic fitness consultant has laid it out - I'm a 44 year old obese individual who should feel lucky every time his face doesn't hit the pavement when he walks. I am either going to have to get a bigger canoe or slim down by the time we hit the water. Not to mention, firm up my man boobies so that I can paddle 225 miles through lengthy backwaters made by the numerous dams along the Grand River.
Dialyze for the Prize!
I hated how wii fit would shame me for gaining weight when i was knocked up. So I gave up wii fitting, but then incubating two new humans took up most of my time!
ReplyDeleteGood Luck Eric, I'll be on the river with you in July. David Ringlein
ReplyDeleteA complaint has been filed by my son, Jacob, concerning this post. He is confident that he has never commented about the lack of definition to my chest. He and I have an incredible relationship, we love each other dearly and he would never want anyone to think that he would say anything negative about me. This is so true of Jacob, he is an extraordinarily kind young man. However, he has been raised on a healthy diet of Monty Python, Austin Powers, Far Side, and Calvin and Hobbes so a little ribbing between the two of us is not entirely out to the realm of possibility.
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